why are you afraid of growing up?

 As I prepared for college, I was inundated by adult relatives telling me the same thing:

Enjoy it! These will be the best years of your life.

I always found this sentiment quite puzzling. I mean, as adults in your 40s and 50s, your 20s were the best part of your life?

As a second-year, I enjoy college. I love being within walking distance of my friends, restaurants, and other shops. I enjoy my classes—learning about women’s studies, how to write proofs, and fiction writing. It’s extremely enriching and has broadened my horizons. 

However, I look forward to getting a job and having my own apartment. Being able to shower whenever I want. Having complete autonomy over my life.

Lately, I’ve been doing research about the seven feminine archetypes out of curiosity. One of them is the Maiden. The embodiment of youth and innocence. She is Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. Waiting for Prince Charming to rescue them from their tower.

It’s not lost on me that social media is inundated with women of various ages eating girl dinners, turning their brains off around their boyfriends, being in bed by 8, and generally infantilizing themselves.

Many Black women romanticize going back to school when faced with emotional hardships.

I say all of this to say, there seems to be this fear of living. Of being at the mercy of life’s unpredictabilities. Of heartbreak, grief, and responsibility. I get it—life can be scary. You might make a fool of yourself in the supermarket, make a mistake at work, or get a speeding ticket. 

But you deny yourself the pleasure of experiences. Cultivating your style, feeling proud of yourself after a long day at work—these all build character.

I don’t know if this makes much sense, but the discomfort is the point. The liminality of figuring stuff out. Who you are, what your calling is—these can’t be discovered if you’re not willing to search for them.

As women, our rights were tirelessly fought for. Blood, sweat, and tears. Tooth and nail. You no longer need permission to chart the course of your life. Don’t squander it in fear.

Be messy. Change your mind. Make mistakes and look failure in the eye. You might be closer than you think.

XOXO, Michaela