Michaela's Musings

Growing up, I was always bigger. Broad shoulders, thick thighs, big boobs, and a tummy. Even at my most fit (I played soccer for many years), I still had a tummy. I had muscle as well. At 17, I was almost 200 lbs. In my first year of undergrad, I barely ate and walked everywhere. I was constantly on the move. In the span of 10 months, I had lost 20 lbs. I’d gone from 189 lbs to 169 lbs. My thighs were smaller, my backrolls almost disappeared, my boobs got smaller, and my tummy got smaller. I was elated, and so was my family. I felt beautiful for the first time. But it came at a cost. Due to my lack of eating, I suffered from frequent migraines. My head would be in terrible pain in the mornings, something water couldn’t assuage. As I began my second year of undergrad, I made a promise to myself that I would eat more. At least one or two main meals a day. And it has helped. I don’t get as many migraines as I used to… but I’ve gained weight. Instead of 169 or 168 lbs, I’m now 173 lbs....

  Beyond The waves pulled the girl out to sea. Its powerful hands enveloping her like a mother would a child. Powdery sand swirling underfoot. Salt spun air fills her nose. So tiny amongst the endless expanse of turquoise and cobalt. Alien in her own world. Should she even return? To their cruel comments And hearts of malice. Or remain with the creatures of deep. With their jellied heads, Frilled gills and puffed spikes. Her father’s harsh voice shatters the reverie. What will it be? Fear is never knowing what lurks below, Regret is never venturing beyond the reef, But freedom is losing sight of the horizon. Choose wisely. XOXO, Michaela

"A new species would bless me as its creator and source; many happy and excellent natures would owe their being to me" - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein Growing up,  Frankenstein  was my favorite novel. The trope of a mad scientist playing God is both bone-chilling and thought-provoking in its exploration of humanity's often violating curiosity. Victor Frankenstein's attempts to defy death delineate a sort of womb envy that bypasses women entirely. A theme I find extremely fascinating. Over the past few months, I've watched a handful of Frankenstein adaptations and riffs (thank you Tubi!). Of these films were  The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962) , Re-Animator , and Frankenhooker . These were a hoot to watch. Absolute cult classics. While they err more on the comedic side, I found myself drawn to the subtle themes about female autonomy and the male gaze. The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962) "I told you to let me die" - Jan Compton The defining feature of ...

  "We don't wanna hear you say 'nigga' no more" - "Euphoria" by Kendrick Lamar Lamar at the 2026 Grammy Awards  On February 1st, rapper Kendrick Lamar set a new record at the Grammy Awards. Winning five out of his nine nominations, Lamar is now the most awarded rapper in history with 27 Gramophones—surpassing Jay Z's 25. This morning, two of my white classmates were discussing this year's Grammy Awards. Particularly that Kendrick Lamar didn't deserve his wins for Best Rap Album or Record of the Year—that the prestigious award show just likes to throw awards at him, among other denigrations of gnx  and Lamar's artistry as a whole. Once upon a time, white people would have never  dared to insert themselves into rap and hip-hop spaces. The music industry has always been a money-making business, but some spaces prioritized musical integrity more than others.  Rap and hip-hop were born out of a need to be heard—to critique the systems that ena...

"What is your woman? Is she just a container for the child? That soft pink matter" - "Pink Matter" by Frank Ocean  Content Warning: Discussions of sexuality   Every time I consider going back to Catholicism, I end up at the same conclusions. Religion is too restrictive. Too pure, too clean, too…perfect. It sows guilt for simply being. For being a woman. For bleeding. For curiosity. For thirst. For having an appetite.  I don’t know about you guys, but I have a big fucking appetite. Growing up, and even now, I've always been a big foodie. Whether it's shrimp roti or a bowl of cavatappi, I've always had a deep appreciation for well made food. Eating slowly, savoring every morsel with primal enjoyment.  Throughout my childhood, asceticism was prized. Abstinence from all forms of indulgence. As a chubby child, my parents would encourage me to fast and go on diets. Chide me for taking seconds while filling my brother's plate because "he's a growin...

Something I want to establish is exactly how I conceptualize my animistic views. All of the major fixtures of our world are feminine in my eyes. Embodying this energy in different ways.  The Sun is fierce, ever-burning individuality that never sleeps.  The Moon is soothing, tranquil peace that encourages us to rest and recharge.  The Ocean is a mighty yet nurturing presence teaching us how to let go.  The Earth is a resilient and gentle mother who never lets her children go without.  The Universe is the fast-paced, ever-changing, wet womb constantly creating.  And in one way or another, we are expressions of this divinity.  We are not at the mercy of a tyrannical ruler. Our existence is relational. Sisters, lovers, and mothers. Dependent on how we treat each other. That is how our love and joy live on. Everything is cyclical. Creation, death, and rebirth. Energy cannot be destroyed; it simply takes another form. Everything lives and dies. From hum...